… it was awful.
This post has been sitting in my draft for quite a while. It is very difficult to put this into words, simply because I always get emotional when thinking about this. I finally give it a go as a reminder that everything too shall pass.
The above picture somehow illustrate my mind a couple months ago. It was just foggy, unclear and I didn’t know when this moment will be ended.
To date, becoming a new parent is the most daunting experience I’ve ever gone through in my life. The responsibility to keep the baby well is just overwhelming.
Long before the birth, I have read about baby blues and the risk of postpartum depression. I keep telling myself, “you got this, Annisa!”
But in reality……
The moment after delivery is like having an illness without a time to recover. You go through a serious life and death moment, and when you awake, a huge responsibility is waiting. Taking care of newborn, hormonal changing, the wound, tiredness and lack of sleep are really good combination to take your mood downhill.
My mom said that we should not cry in front of babies because they can feel it. But it is so difficult to send out a positive vibes when your mood is ruined. So, most of the time when the baby started to cry, I would also started to cry.
Baby blues was the time when I always blamed myself for every baby cries. I felt like I was not a good mother. Ga becus, gtu.
Baby blues was the time when I was so easily snapped and cry.
Baby blues was the time when I always questioning myself if I am a good mom or if I do love my baby. Yup, my love and bond with my baby didn’t happen instantly. So yeah, there is no magical moment as in the movie when you saw your baby for the first time and cry tears of joy. I just started to accept him after a while.
Baby blues was the time when I withdraw myself from my social life. I did not go outside for the first month because I was paranoid that my baby will cry in public and I can’t console him. I always said “baik, Alhamdulillah” whenever a friend asked my well-being and offered help, while it was actually not baik. I declined phone calls (even the one from midwife) and invitation, because I don’t want to talk and meet people.
There are still many things happen during the baby blues. It was a difficult time for whoever experience it and it is better to settle it soon. For me, the cure of the baby blues is the help and attention from my husband. I know that it is easier said that done, but it is somehow work for me slowly. I feel better and a bit relieved after I talk to my husband and ask for his help.
It is important to remember that you are not alone in this new chapter of life. It is always good speak with someone you trust and ask for any kind of help that lessen your burden, be it taking care of the child, cooking, or even cleaning the house. Remember that a happy parents bring a happy baby. :)